Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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