I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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