I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
