i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
