just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
