I met the friendliest cop last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
