Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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