your parents love me but you hate me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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