at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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