I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
