My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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