Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize