Your face is a jimmy john
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
