i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
