Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
