Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
