they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
