well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
