I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
