I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This baby is an asshole
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
