this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
