Do you still have your period?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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