that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
