good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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