tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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