This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
