mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
