I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
