she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
