I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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