Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
