i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
