Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
