Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
