why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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