ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
