I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
