she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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