coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
