I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize