He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
