The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
