hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
