just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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