dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
