JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
