Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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