the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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