Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
