peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
