how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
