FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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