i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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