That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize