Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
