tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
