Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
