He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
