wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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