wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
