No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
