apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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