i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
