Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
