New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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