I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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