I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
