What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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