I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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