I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
false alarm. still invincible.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
