if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
