That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
wow bdsm is so cute
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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