my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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